PUBLIC LETTER TO THE AUTHORS OF LNK CHANNEL PROGRAM „SROVES“ (STREAMS) OF JUNE THE 17TH, 2003

Vilnius, August 14, 2003

   Ruta Stalionyte and Audre Kudabiene,

	Neringa Mockute

    June the 17th, 2003 was the day of program “Sroves” on LNK channel where I was named as Violeta. My name is not Violeta. I am Neringa. You didn’t meet me neither in Vilnius republican psychiatric hospital nor couple of months later. So I remained unasked and unheard, only dumb heroine of the television program full of reticence and tendentious evaluation. It’s a pity that you have blindly believed the story told by my relatives as well as superficial interpretations of its facts, not having checked and deeply looked into it on your own. You have created maybe an interesting, but one-sided story using me. Perhaps, untangling the threads of my mother’s story you also wanted to protect or help me, however, in reality your program has instilled great distrust in me and caused lots of pain.

    "Suddenly Violeta was attacked by strong psych-out, acute psychosis. Her relatives bind its cause today with the influence of Osho meditation center (...) Obvious danger to Violeta’s psyche runs right after the starting to meditate according to Osho teaching” (LNK television program “Sroves” of June the 17th, 2003).

    What is the most distressing that you didn’t mention about the earlier nervous fits I had suffered and about the earlier rendered psychiatric assistance. You knew, but still passed over the silence that nervous fit, which stroke upon me on the 7th of May 2003 wasn’t the first one. 1992 was the year it first happened. At that time I was a first term student at Kaunas Vytautas the Greatest University at the Roman Catholic theology faculty. I was put into Kaunas mental hospital in Aleksotas. The treatment was continued in psychiatric dispensary in Shiauliai. Later, during 1993 and 1996 summers, I was treated for depression, continuing my studies at the university. The second emotional fit burst in May last year. At that time I was given psychiatric and psychotherapist’s assistance, and I was treated in Vilnius “Aushros vartu” hospital. During the period of 2000-2002 I practiced yoga and not less than three times per week in studio and yoga camps in summer I did yoga exercises - asanas, and also was interested in ayurveda. The same emotional fit, which stroke upon me in spring 2002, was linked to my hobby - yoga by my relatives. Neither in 1992 nor 2002 I didn’t meditate Osho meditations, while two strong emotional fits had already stroke upon me and I took treatment in mental hospital. I started to meditate in Osho Ojas meditation center only in February 2003 this is why the causes of the third emotional fit cannot be linked with the influence of meditation center.

    After spring 2002 emotional fit, I started to deepen into the causes of fits and looking for its source during more than a half year with the help of several psychotherapists. I’ve discovered that they are related to the development of my mentality in childhood and adolescence. In my childhood I was afraid to express my emotions freely because I was beaten for four grades or for soiled expensive foreign shoes. Sometimes I had to kneel down before beating mother and by kissing her legs apologize to her so that she would feel better. I was intimidated and being not able to resist my parents, I suppressed rising anger and pain, caused by the beating. So this way the habit to suppress emotions had been formed, as well as repressing feelings, forgetting about your inner needs, trying to please mother in every possible way. The least my resistance to parents in childhood and in adolescence ended with if not a strap, then with lash or morals about love and respect for parents. Even during latter years, being adult and living my own life, after sharing my new hobbies - yoga or something else with relatives, what was incomprehensible for them, I faced with reserved mockery and felt their animosity. Therefore, suppressed emotions, tensions and pain had remained in unconsciousness since childhood and adolescence, which come to light, causing emotional fits. This is why the third emotional fit, which stroke upon me on 7th of May 2003 is related to the development of my mentality in childhood and adolescence, but not to the influence of Osho Ojas meditation center.

    “So we won’t succeed to see her and ask about the reasons of being charmed by Osho meditations. But we can hear her. These are the details of the conversation, which was recorded in March after second Violeta’s meditation by Osho meditation master Prem" (LNK channel program “Sroves” of the 17th of June, 2003).

    It especially hurts that not all of my words were repeated in the program, said about meditations and its influence to my life, and nothing else but senseless details of the end of conversation with meditation master Prem. You had the full recording of my words, which I said about meditations after I had meditated for two months in Osho meditation center, however, the program spectators heard only last sentences of my speaking. So no one heard that I am very pleased with meditations and I rejoice in heart peace and stability I had gained after it, except you, sorting out recording’s cut for the program. So the spectators didn’t learn that my life is becoming more beautiful, spiritually growing and that I am happy because of meditations.

    I wasn’t charmed by meditation. It has naturally entered my life as the consequence of long and difficult seeking. For me meditation is the way to know the world and myself and, basing the very self-knowing and making it deeper, open myself to peace, joy, truth and love. At present time meditation for me is like a tool to relax accumulated emotional, spiritual and psychic tensions, understand the causes of disasters and ailments, and simultaneously learn how to avoid them. Meditation reveals the opportunity to live a more conscious and blissful life.

    “The young girl hasn’t participated yet in so called practice of conscious love, which take place in nature” (LNK channel program “Sroves” of the of the 17th of June, 2003).

    I’d been waiting greatly for this practicum and took part in it on July the 4-11 2003. It was an invaluable soul enlivening as well as a unique opportunity to have a rest and restore to life after the “treatment for vegetarianism and meditations” in Republic mental hospital in Vilnius. When I was there, I experienced physical and spiritual violence, and two months of my life were spent in hostile, spoiling mentally and emotionally circle. I was physically tamed, almost four weeks I wasn’t allowed to go out of doors in the hospital’s yard, and after removing the restriction, last three weeks I was allowed to walk about the territory of the hospital on my own only for a half an hour. They tried to make me to tell about the meditation practices, I was forced to give a word never meditate again, told about the orgies of group sex, which take place in meditation center, about the harm of meditations to my psyche. During one of the last doctor’s visit I was called not by the name, but “the one from Osho center”. I wasn’t able to get away from such circle, as there was no chance to resist the psychiatrists since my refusal to talk to them or more strict voice, or disagreement with the recommendations on meditations as well as plainly expression of anger or dissatisfaction after hearing the false statements about meditations and Osho meditation center were treated as the symptoms of mental disorder. For this reason the medicines dozes weren’t cut down and the time for my discharge had always been put off. Thus, only meditation camp in nature helped my mentality to come to life and get rid of the concentrated in hospital stresses and tensions. A week of meditations in nature helped to have rest and expose myself to love and joy, balance the inner world. I am very happy that I was discharged from hospital in the end of June and by participating in the meditation camp I could meditate and continue inner seeking.

    “... her mother hurried to Osho meditation center, where she wanted to talk to center leader Prem about her daughter’s mentality and ask to not to admit Violeta to meditations anymore” (LNK channel program “Sroves” of the of the 17th of June, 2003).

    In February 2003 I chose meditation myself and I am choosing it today. I wasn’t forced to go there, no one called and asked to come to meditations. I am an adult, I live my own life and I can responsibly choose what do I want to do and do it on my own. I am totally free to decide what is the best for me. I am very glad at the spiritual atmosphere that had been created in meditation center, and I am very happy to have an opportunity to meditate there. Meditations fit me as I am starting to experience on my own the way they spiritually enrich my life, and I intend to continue meditating and the spiritual seeking, leading towards conscious, creative and responsible life.

    “And the fact that she spent only a couple of month in the center makes us think about the influence of Osho center to one person, hardly seeking soul to be released” (LNK channel program “Sroves” of the of the 17th of June, 2003).

    I’ve written in the beginning of the letter that third nervous fit, which stroke upon me on the 7th of May 2003 is not related to Osho meditations in meditation center Ojas. Furthermore, I am not seeking my soul to be released. For me meditation is the way to know myself and world, explore inner and outer worlds, search for connection between spiritual and encircling me worlds. Meditation is the way to relax emotional, spiritual and mental tensions, look at my fears, experience emotions and feelings. I find heart’s silence in meditation; grope joy and blissfulness, flowing inside. I am being draught there by the gladness of inner knowing and the existential longing of inner freedom. What really fascinates me that meditation reveals the opportunity to live more conscious and creative life, and open the heart to existence.

    It wasn’t mentioned in the program about the way I found myself in Republic mental hospital in Vilnius of New Vilnia on the 7th of May 2003. No one cared to check attentively the circumstances of my presence there, as well as my condition and about the way I was treated there. Instead of it, only a short phrase “the girl will have to be treated for a long time” was said. The end of the letter will be dedicated to all of this - short Neringa‘s story.

    In the morning on the 7th of May 2003 I was resting at home as I was feeling unwell. I wasn‘t aggressive, represented no danger or threat neither to myself, nor to roundabout people. Sister had the key to my flat. In the late afternoon suddenly six people came into my flat. I recognized only two of them - my sister and my cousin. I had seen the other four ones for the first time. I was frightened. I couldn‘t understand what was happening and why they all gathered. No one could explain it to me. It drove me out of my wits and provoke to emotional fit. I had understood that they wanted to take me away somewhere, however, neither six of them told me where. One unknown man lied to me by saying we were going to nature and coming back home in the evening. I got confused. I started to scream, trying to protect myself, and shouted asking about the reason they had all gathered and what they wanted from me. I wanted to turn them out of the house somehow and make them leave me alone. I didn‘t succeed. I failed to resist. The more I screamed, the more others thought that I was in need with psychiatric assistance. I was taken to the ambulance car and put into it by force.

    In the waiting room in hospital it was more difficult to resist. After I refused to go, they seized my hands and pulled along. I didn‘t sign any agreement on treatment in Vilnius Republic mental hospital. Medicines were given by force - two hospital attendants held me pressed on the couch. As soon as instinct of self-preservation had raised I started to toss about as I wanted to get away. I didn‘t succeed. I was put into the ward by force and tied to the bed. No one had explained the side effect of the medicines, that is why I got really scared and experienced huge emotional shock when the medicine took the effect and I couldn‘t walk, talk and move my head as neck muscles had contracted and my head in a reflex threw back.

    I didn‘t succeed to get out of mental hospital earlier. I had been kept there for 52 days. One half of the time I was given strong medicine and every weekend promised to be let home. After five days I had told the doctors that I wanted to go home and that I needed to get back to work. The doctors didn‘t listen to me and told me that I would have to be treated for a long time. After a few more weeks, I still feeling sleepy and intoxicated, was given a test by hospital psychologist on thinking in spite of the fact that I didn‘t complain about any problems connected with thinking. With the help of this test they established some kind of thinking disorder and explained it to be very serious and repeated for the second time that I would have to be treated for a long time. Later requests to let me home left without answer, thought doctors had mentioned more than once that outpatient treatment would be enough. I was going to make a statement and refuse the treatment, which I haven‘t agreed to be given earlier since the very beginning, however I was dissuaded by giving the reason that in this case doctors committee would have written the diagnosis, what would really harm me in the future while getting fixed up in a job or granting the permission on weapon.

    When being in hospital I experienced much physical, spiritual and emotional compulsion and pressure. Psychiatrist had never deepened into the causes of my inner or mental fits, provoking emotional ones. After having strewed with promises to let home soon they started to treat me for vegetarianism. I didn‘t eat meat in hospital and was prescribed a vegetarian diet. During the talks with psychiatrists it was explained about meat‘s profit for my body and about the harmfulness of vegetarianism. Such explanations had ended in a month after the repeated blood test by my request, which results had been unimpeachable in spite of the fact that hospital vegetarian diet didn‘t contain nuts, vegetables or fruit.

    After a few more weeks, doctors, having blindly believed in my mother‘s stories diagnosed sectarianism and for this reason the main psychiatric assistance was to treat me for meditation. I was elicited about Osho Ojas meditation center and about existing practical work there. I was told about orgies of group sex taking place there and that human’s mentality is being crippled there unknown to people. I was also told that meditation doesn’t fit my social status and I had been forced to give my word never visit the meditation center all the time. I had been explaining to them the statements to be lying and as far as I knew, neither sexual orgies take place in the center, nor I had experienced meditation to cripple my mentality somehow. However, either nobody listened to me or heard out. After I told about meditations happening in the center by force, psychiatrist D.Shapaliene jeered at me and said that it wasn’t meditations and that I don’t know anything about them, I was also recommended to get to know the definition of meditation and she also rhetorically asked about the non-presence of AIDS test in her section. The doctors, who had never tried meditating and having no idea about meditations, instead of helping me to untangle the causes of my emotional fits, happening for the third time to me, had been constantly explaining to me about the harmfulness of meditations and suggested that I must keep to the traditional catholic belief in Lithuania.

    Neringa Mockute